I Hate Sports

I’m done with sports.

I have more than enough real agita in my life, I certainly don’t need to go borrowing extra, stress that’s not even real. I know from real stress, and who wins or doesn’t win the Super Bowl isn’t real, not for me. It is for the actual teams involved. Not for me.

And it gets too solid a hold on me. I’ve had trouble sleeping before some games, and then the day of, my life—my entire family’s life—often revolves around that game. Which is stupid, and it’s not the sort of life I want to lead. I don’t want to be in a three-day funk after a bad loss, like last year’s conference finals against Indy. I mean, if I wanted to have to deal with losers, I’d have even more to do with Top Management’s first husband. And I don’t think anyone really wants that. (Other than The Boy; he seems to think the guy’s pretty groovy but then, he’s kind of a lemon. Well, both of them are, really.)

Pal Dave called to offer what he thought were congratulations, understandably assuming I was a New York fan, and I was so down I could barely do more than mutter disjointed syllables, despite the fact that this was the first time we’d talked in over a year. I mean, what the hell—that’s pretty impressively uncool of me, even for me, and yet there ’tis.

So I’m going to try giving up sports, because I’m not really much of a moderation person: I find it much easier to simply do without than to do a little. So I’m going to see what happens when I go cold turkey. If nothing else, I’ll have some extra time every day. Although watching Pardon the Interruption with Max and The Boy is an awfully pleasant way to wind down the day…

No! Stop that.

So, yes, I know, I’m going to be tempted to slip when the NBA post-season starts up, now that things have gotten even more interesting in the West with the Lakers’ acquisition of Gasol and the East having two of the half-dozen best teams in the league. But I’ll try to be strong. I’ll try to channel that time and interest into, I dunno, watching The Wire or studying for my class or, and here’s a novel thought, paying attention to my family.

Yeah, probably the The Wire. Until we run out of episodes we haven’t seen.

Blurg.

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About the other scott peterson

Writer of comics and books and stuff.
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13 Responses to I Hate Sports

  1. Tom Brady says:

    Me too. I’m done.

  2. KathyR says:

    I could never do it. Sports TV is pretty much the only TV I watch, anyway.
    Good luck.

  3. Don’t worry, darling. I know from long experience that nothing takes your mind off the Superbowl like…Super Tuesday.
    (Oh help.)

  4. fish says:

    I spent the second half of last night wanting to throw up. I am definitely going to quit. Tomorrow.

  5. Tom E. says:

    You can do it, Scott. I used to be a ridiculous Cornhusker football fan, but I’ve learned to dial it back. I no longer drive myself to distraction with what if’s and could have been’s. Now i just don’t let it bother me one little bit. Just because Bill Callahan took one of the finest programs in the history of college football and turned in into one vast cesspool of mediocrity doesn’t mean I have to lose precious sleep. So, he’s a reptile, a paragon of incompetence to dwarf even Condoleezza Rice. I don’t have to endanger my health with anger and resentment. Just because Callahan is a %^&*ing swine, a fresh, steaming pile of *&^%, a putrid, grinning, glad-handing malodorous @#$%, does not mean that I have to let it ruin my day. Why should I let some rat $#@^%*% ruin my fall, a truly beautiful time of year? That dirty swamp-scum sucking troll, the vomitous *^%&$#%; I oughta take a boathook and shove it straight up his *&@. Oh, Man, don’t get me started…….

  6. shannon says:

    Give up sports? You may as well board the crazy train, because that would be a first class trip to the looney bin.

  7. Ed says:

    You can do it. I did. I will date myself now, but when pro baseball went on strike, all I could think of was “What a bunch of greedy bastards, they make all this money to PLAY a game.” That was it for me with all pro sports. It seems a great injustice in this country with all our social and environmental issues that we pump so much money into pro grames.
    Now, college football, that I can deal with to a degree!
    So come join this first class looney bin bound train, we do make one stop along the way to cheer on the Gators (although I keep track of the scores, I don’t watch the games, otherwise I may relapse into the pro stuff).
    The benefits? Think (as you started to do) all the good stuff you will do with your free time and the family!

  8. fish says:

    I don’t know Ed, at least with the pro sports the athletes that are risking everything get a slice of the action. Colleges and TV stations are getting rich off of the backs of “students” that get used up and tossed aside.

  9. Ed says:

    Good point fish. But I can afford to go to a college game with my kids, while a pro game is just way out of my budget.(That said, I haven’t gone to either in years due to a lack in interest). Anyway, I think there is more to life than watching sports, and it is a transition that can be done. There are a lot more other activities I enjoy, with the family as well as by myself. I guess it is really a matter of prioritizing and choosing to head in a non-sports direction.

  10. Ed says:

    Oh, one last comment. I guess this means that the 1972 Dolphins that I was raised on still remain the only perfect season team. Sorry Scott, had to get that in there. 🙂

  11. Ernie says:

    Hooliganism is the answer to your problem, Scott. Instead of moping around for three days after your team loses, go out and beat the crap out of a supporter of the winning team. It works for billions of South American and European soccer fans, it might work for you.

  12. Ernie says:

    Speaking of soccer, I think it’s the last sport that hasn’t caved completely to television. I love the fact that the action is never stopped for a commercial, unlike football in which the bigger the game, the more it’s bastardized by commercial time outs. “We’ll be back for this crucial 4th quarter 3rd and 6 after these messages.” Ever been to the stadium to see a televised game. It’s egregious. Two teams standing around waiting for the commercials to end. That’s not sport. It’s pro wrestling.
    Don’t worry, Fish, I hear Tom Osborne has been scouring the prison systems of America searching for the next Lawrence Phillips and Christian Peter.

  13. Ernie says:

    I’m sorry, Fish. I should have aimed that joke at Tom E.

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